the fucked up thing is that i’ve been in this exact situation and actually felt some measure of beauty in the world. but only when the streets are empty and the area descends into a time of day when it clearly was not meant to functionally exist. there is a wretched beauty in walking around one of these suburban sprawl commerce zones at night or close to dawn, sitting down at a table like this and basking in the sensation that you own the place. maybe this is an inherited derangement from living most of my life in the midwest suburbs, working late night shifts at a grocery store on a corner exactly like this one. maybe it’s just the only time of day in a place like this when you can be truly alone outside
This quest for joy is much more meaningful and motivating than the shame and guilt other cleaning gurus.
Marie kondo makes me so happy because she pays attention to the reasons of mess, shame, guilt, hopelessness, and addresses them!
None of this wandering into someone’s house and assuming they shat out the mess because they’re a dumb fuck who hates being clean and they’re dirty and gross because they hate society and order, but it’s ok bc we can FIX It and they will be normal again haha.
Like honestly, Marie “I love mess” Kondo is a breath of fresh air, after watching “experts” ask struggling human beings “why they are so stubborn?” , and “when did you last use this?” so often that all I felt when I tried to clean was upset and panicked.
This is much better and she is a nice lady.
Her “tidying up” is not get rid of everything but instead - you have more stuff than you have space, lets see IF we can get rid of anything but let’s also show you ways to fit more stuff in your space in a way that you can use it better
it’s not - your shelves should be bare of all but one item, it’s lets use lots of boxes so things are organised and put them on the shelves instead, so they’re neatly kept and you can find them and not have to buy new the instant you realise yes you did need it
Her method is focused on asking yourself WHY you have these things. Sentimental band tee shirt that doesn’t fit anymore? Keep it! It sparks joy! Collection of sentimental band tee shirts that’s become a sink hole of stuff you never use or even remember you have? Keep the ones that still make you light up inside, but ditch the rest because they’re not serving you. There’s a whole chunk of her book about things like “you hold onto things that are not you because you have this idea of who you should be. Let it and the symbols of it go.” Throw out those “how to make cheese” books bc you are not a cheese maker and seeing them makes you feel guilty and bad about never actually pursuing your cheese making fancy. BUT! if seeing these books reinvigorates your interest in making cheese, put these books somewhere more visible so you remember you want to learn to make cheese.
I know “it sparks joy” became a meme and therefor its meaning was diluted, but that’s what her method boils down to: filling your space with things that make you happy, and making it easier to access those things and that happiness. it’s not about adherence to some minimalist fashion. It’s about making your space serve you and your pursuit of happiness.
Sometimes I’m looking for something online - often “how to” articles - and I want to filter for - like - a website that was clearly built in 2010 at the latest, which may or may not have been updated since then, but contains a vast wealth of information on one topic, painstakingly organized by an unknown legend in the field with decades’ worth of experience.
I don’t want a listicle with a nice stolen picture in a slideshow format written by a content aggregator that God forgot. I want hand-drawn diagrams by some genius professor who doesn’t understand SEO at all, but understands making stir-fries or raising stick insects better than anyone else on this earth. I don’t know what search settings to put into Google to get this.
thank you for articulating this cri de coeur for me
ngl these days i’m just happy when it’s not a video
The search engine calculates a score that aggressively favors text-heavy websites, and punishes those that have too many modern web design features.
This is in a sense the opposite of what most major search engines do, they favor modern websites over old-looking ones. Most links you find here will be nearly impossible to find on a regular search engine, as they aren’t sufficiently search engine optimized.
As a rape survivor, I understand the need for safe space together – free from sexist harassment and potential violence. But fear of gender variance also can’t be allowed to deceptively cloak itself as a women’s safety issue. I can’t think of a better example than my own, and my butch friends’, first-hand experiences in public women’s toilets. Of course women need to feel safe in a public restroom; that’s a serious issue. So when a man walks in, women immediately examine the situation to see if the man looks flustered and embarrassed, or if he seems threatening; they draw on the skills they learned as young girls in this society to read body language for safety or danger.
Now, what happens when butches walk into the women’s bathroom? Women nudge each other with elbows, or roll their eyes, and say mockingly, “Do you know which bathroom you’re in?” Thats not how women behave when they really believe there’s a man in the bathroom. This scenario is not about women’s safety – its an example of gender-phobia.
And ask yourself, if you were in the women’s bathroom, and there were two teenage drag queens putting on lipstick in front of the mirror, would you be in danger? If you called security or the cops, or forced those drag queens to use the men’s room, would they be safe?
If the segregation of bathrooms is really about more than just genitals, then maybe the signs ought to read “Men” and “Sexually and Gender Oppressed,” because we all need a safe place to go to the bathroom. Or even better, let’s fight for clean individual bathrooms with signs on the doors that read “Restroom.”
And defending the inclusion of transsexual sisters in women’s space does not threaten the safety of any woman. The AIDS movement, for example, battled against the right-wing characterization of gay men as a “high-risk group.” We won an understanding that there is no high-risk group – there are high-risk behaviors. Therefore, creating safety in women’s space means we have to define unsafe behavior – like racist behavior by white women towards women of color, or dangerous insensitivity to disabilities.
Transsexual sisters are not a Trojan horse trying to infiltrate women’s space. There have always been transsexual women helping to build the women’s movement – they are part of virtually every large gathering of women. They want to be welcomed into women’s space for the same reason every woman does – to feel safe.
Leslie Feinberg, Transgender Warriors: Making History from Joan of Arc to Marsha P. Johnson and Beyond
